Firstly, like you hear from some management philosophers, you become what you think and do, and setting a desire to be a good Dad, a good man and then doing it every day is really important.

Secondly, I read to be re-educated, and the two best books for me (not saying for you), but for me were Raising Boys and Raising Girls both by Steve Biddulph. Now, I can’t remember much except unconditional love, tell them you love them every day, and never criticize in anger. That’s what I think the books said, and I’ve followed it. It worked. These days I apply what I leant in Raising Girls to women and relationships about unconditional love, but to be frank I still find I put the conditions on that work for me.

Thirdly, I have learned to let go of my feelings that are not helping. Not helping me or others. If it’s not working for you, I just let it go, and that can include the more shallow relationships of work and friends as well… but if they are important relationships, then it’s the feelings that need to be let go. The dating game is a great pointer to this. If you go out with a woman and you talk and she is not for you or you are not for her, then you just don’t communicate, you let go.

For me, letting go came from reading about mindfulness and Buddhism and The Tao from China. But there are plenty of other wise philosophers that can show a way.

I now almost never have any feelings of anger, and certainly no sustained feelings of such. I don’t think it makes me more successful or more attractive to the opposite sex, but it certainly makes me feel more comfortable in their (and mine) emotional space.

Yeah, I get it, you can feel incredibly pissed off, and why not, plenty of it is not your fault, as anger is a learned feeling, and geez the “other side” can be incredibly unreasonable, BUT if you are a real man, and no matter what you do is not working, then you move on.

None of your mates (the real ones) will think of you any less if you can’t hold down the relationship, they won’t have been perfect either ……..  nor is it a win to come out of a breakup with a shitload more than the ex, having completely f….. her over – especially if she is a carer for your kids also AND there is no guarantee that your kids will be rocket scientists or movie stars….but they don’t need to be… they just need to know you love them and that you respect them by respecting their mother.

Real men make little mistakes, but real men then do something about it; real men are hardly done by at times, but real men don’t take it out on women and children, real men try and fix it and if they can’t and it’s becoming a big mistake, they shut up or they walk away, and in time it may get better, and in time it may not, but it won’t get worse.