“Keep your home – and keep yourselves safe

Relationships end. Separation is sadly a reality more of us will face than we’d like to think.

When my relationship ended, we did what most people would do.

Bring in the real estate agents – the same two who had sold it to us several years prior. Plan an auction date, and start discussing the likely split that we would each take away.

But something felt off – I didn’t WANT to sell my home. And then I received counsel from none other than Mal James – the buying agent who helped us purchase. “Girl, you’re not going to sell that house. It’s the key to keeping you and your children safe – protecting you now and into your future”

It felt impossible, and the reality at that point in time would have suggested my chances were highly unlikely. But I put my head down. What would it take?

Mal helped with a plan and gave me the confidence I could see this through as tough as it may seem.

One piece of advice I remember clearly is “Anne you are stressed, but you’re going to have stress either way. You’ll still be stressed whatever decisions you make until you settle – there’s no real difference between 80 or 90% stress – so make good decisions – not quick or bad ones – don’t throw in the towel”.

I was nervous that this was going to be too difficult. But the reality was that my life was already stressful and difficult. Single parenthood with tiny children is HARD. I couldn’t change that, so was it worth making it a little bit harder?

This is what it took:

• Saying ‘No. You need two signatures to sell this place and I won’t give you mine’
• Listing it on Airbnb when the additional mortgage help from the ex fizzed out
• Figuring out what I needed to earn to maintain the mortgage – and finding the work to support that.
• Staying patient on our financial settlement. I had no chance of keeping the home if we had done this earlier (I needed to recover my earning capacity after time off with babies). This was excellent advice from Mal.
• Superior negotiation skills that included knowing EXACTLY what my deal needed to look like, and staying quiet, waiting and more waiting, when we weren’t there yet. Good coaching advice again.
• Ignoring all the advice by well-meaning friends and advisors telling me to ‘wrap up the financial settlement asap so you know where you stand’. Thanks, but I wouldn’t be walking through the same front door every day if I’d followed that advice. Mal’s advice was completely contrary to this.
• Incredibly supportive parents who backed me all the way.

It took a LOT of energy and effort. It was stressful and life felt close to the wire a lot of the time. I ruminated daily, hourly, on my decisions and goal. It just felt so HARD. Was I really doing the right thing for all of us?

Yes. Yes, I was.

Because now I wake up every day in the home that lifts me up and makes me feel safe. Where my children feel safe.

With a title and mortgage that are now in my name only.

Where the house value has increased, and the mortgage value has decreased.

Had we sold and split up the proceeds all those years ago, I most likely would have walked away with a few hundred thousand $s and off to find rental after rental. Now? I sit on a good asset (a house with good PPPs) with $1m+ in equity and I have choices, options – the epitome of luxury for me. A home that may continue to keep us safe for decades to come.

Was it worth it?

Yes, every minute. My hard work (and that wise counsel) kept us all safe.

Thanks Mal.”